Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
