we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
His nipple licking is glorious
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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