i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
