I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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