I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I woke up under a house in Key West
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
