never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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