Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
