do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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