At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
