Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
