The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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