Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
