alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
