i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
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Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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