I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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