I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
