dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize