I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
