the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
