he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
