I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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