Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
