I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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