I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
