This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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