dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
