i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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