Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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