she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
