Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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