life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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