Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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