Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
