Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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