its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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