I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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