Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
