for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
