Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
