We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
