you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
