I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
