new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so let's talk penis.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
