Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
