You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
