hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
