I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
