Did you just see the Batmobile???
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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