this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
