My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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