I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
