No stitches, just platelets and will power
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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