I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize