i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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