drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
