How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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