I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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