Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize