Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
