maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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