my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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