no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
