before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
