I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
