wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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