We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
