booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
