ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
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She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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