How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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