I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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