I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
