Hippo gnu deer
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My bed smells like the plague
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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