I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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